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DEAR ABBY: My sister just lately misplaced her husband, who handed away after a short battle with most cancers. Her daughter, my niece, was scheduled to be married later this yr. They battle with funds, and my brother-in-law’s loss of life exacerbated the scenario. With the intention to assist out, my spouse and I quietly gave them $1,000 to place towards my niece’s bathe so they may have it at a pleasant place. My sister was appreciative, however we sadly heard nothing from my niece.
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Quick-forward a pair months, and the marriage is now referred to as off. My sister and her daughter just lately went on a cruise and have informed me they’ve booked one other. There was no point out about returning our $1,000. My spouse is turning into more and more annoyed and desires to say one thing to my sister, which can create a household feud. Whereas I agree the cash needs to be returned, I’m inclined to simply write it off reasonably than fire up a multitude. I’d love to listen to your perspective. — GENEROUS IN THE EAST
DEAR GENEROUS: My perspective is that the place your sister and her daughter are involved, you must firmly shut your pockets. The cash is gone, and you’re proper that elevating the problem will trigger ailing will. Your generosity ought to have been acknowledged, and when the marriage was referred to as off, your cash ought to have been returned reasonably than utilized to a mom/daughter trip. In case your niece does handle to get married sooner or later, bear in mind that you’ve already given her a “wedding ceremony reward.”
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DEAR ABBY: Our household is having its first reunion since my mom and father have been gone. We three brothers are actually the oldest era. My older brothers are planning the occasion. They’re inviting my ex-wife of 21 years, however none of my three nephews’ exes. That is upsetting to me and my spouse of 20 years.
I really feel strongly that if you marry, you marry into the household, and if you divorce, you divorce “out” of the household. My ex-wife and two sisters-in-law have remained shut buddies since our divorce and have shunned my current spouse.
Ought to we be upset in regards to the invitation? Ought to we not attend if my ex comes? One brother says she continues to be “a part of the household” and needs to be included. My spouse and I are livid. Who is true right here? — PARTY POOPER IN IOWA
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DEAR PARTY POOPER: Did your mother and father embody your former spouse at earlier household reunions? In the event that they did, I can perceive why she could be welcomed at this one. Nevertheless, if they didn’t, I can perceive your emotions, in gentle of the truth that your siblings’ wives have shunned your spouse of 20 years.
That mentioned, not all divorces are the identical. Some former {couples} handle an amicable severance, and you can’t and mustn’t dictate who your relations select to keep up relationships with. In case you and your spouse would really feel extra snug skipping the reunion, I wouldn’t blame you.
— Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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