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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend’s mother has dementia. He requested me and my children to maneuver in with him and stated he would marry me. In change, he anticipated me to stop my job and handle his mother. I felt it was a catastrophe ready to occur, and caring for somebody with dementia whereas elevating two youngsters was a horrible concept, so I refused.
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He put his mom in a nursing residence, and now I’m not handled the identical by him. The lady is abusive. She hits and bites and isn’t straightforward to cope with. Dwelling together with her would have destroyed our relationship and been hectic for my youngsters. My boyfriend isn’t the simplest man to speak in confidence to. I’m unhappy and don’t know what to do. — TOO MUCH TO HANDLE
DEAR TOO MUCH: When your boyfriend proposed marriage, it wasn’t as a result of he beloved you. He was in search of a straightforward answer (for him) to his mom downside. To anticipate you to stop your job and sacrifice your retirement advantages was nervy. You aren’t skilled to take care of a violent dementia affected person. He treats you in a different way as a result of he’s indignant you didn’t associate with his plans for you. What you must do now could be transfer on, as a result of his resentment is unlikely to decrease.
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DEAR ABBY: For the whole thing of our relationship, my spouse has by no means listened to me. It’s actually the one factor I’ve ever requested her to do. She always tells me I’ve nothing worthwhile to say, with out ever truly letting me end a sentence.
My mom is coming into some cash and provided me a large sum, offered I don’t inform my spouse. I’m critically contemplating “taking the cash and operating.” I can not cope with the fixed emotional abuse. My spouse treats her youngsters the identical manner, and it’s disgusting to me. What ought to I do? — TEMPTED IN CANADA
DEAR TEMPTED: If issues are as dangerous as you could have described, discuss to an lawyer and legally declare your independence. After that’s executed, take your mom up on her beneficiant supply.
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DEAR ABBY: Once I married in 1974, my mom had one in every of my marriage ceremony images of me in my marriage ceremony costume and holding my bouquet. It was pretty, and he or she had it made up into a big 36-inch-by-26-inch portrait with an exquisite body. It hung in my previous bed room till she handed away. I’ve had it in a closet in my home ever since.
I’ve requested my daughter and son in the event that they wish to have it, and so they don’t. I’m questioning if I ought to throw it away or depart it as much as them after I’m gone. As a result of now we have at all times had a loving relationship, I don’t need both of them to really feel dangerous about disposing of it. — PICTURING THE FUTURE
DEAR PICTURING: You should be sentimental about that portrait, otherwise you wouldn’t have stored all of it these years. Due to that, I don’t assume you must toss it. After you might be gone, your daughter or son might change their thoughts about having it. Allow them to determine when the time comes.
— Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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