[ANNIVERSARY] Korea's first 2 brazenly lesbian moms combat for marriage equality

‘Korea might solely be an inch away from legalizing same-sex marriage’

By Lee Hae-rin

Kim Kyu-jin, 33, and Kim Sae-yeon, 36, first met one another in January 2019 and wedded that 12 months, twice — as soon as in New York the place vacationers can register their marriages, and once more in Seoul the place they stay and have family members and mates.

In August final 12 months, Kyu-jin gave beginning to a daughter, Lani. The 2 at the moment are elevating her in Seoul with their two cats. Like every other first-time father or mother, their days are hectic — juggling the duties of elevating a new child and embarking on a brand new chapter of their lives — all whereas discovering a brand new sense of happiness.

Nonetheless, they aren’t a authorized couple and Sae-yeon is just not Lani’s authorized guardian, as a result of they’re two girls from Korea, which nonetheless doesn’t acknowledge same-sex marriages.

In a latest interview with The Korea Occasions marking the primary anniversary of Lani’s beginning, the couple mirrored on their journey from marriage and child-rearing, in addition to their latest participation within the marriage equality lawsuit.

From wedding ceremony to child-rearing

When the 2 married 5 years in the past, same-sex marriages, not to mention being pregnant, have been nonetheless an unexplored route in Korea.

Though homosexual weddings have grow to be extra frequent in Korea these days, Kyu-jin might discover no info on how a lot a pair of wedding ceremony attire would price, for instance.

So that they paved their very own path, arranging an unprecedented wedding ceremony ceremony of their very own. It befell at an atypical wedding ceremony corridor with two brides, surrounded by their celebrating mates, however, sadly, with out the attendance of the brides’ households.

As they settled into their new life, they began contemplating being pregnant. It occurred to them when Kyu-jin’s boss, who she met whereas working at a multinational firm in France, requested her over lunch at some point, “You are married? You are going to have a child, proper?”

So Kyu-jin determined to have a child. She succeeded in synthetic insemination with sperm donated from a fertility hospital in Belgium in December 2022, as a result of Korean sperm banks have been — and nonetheless are — open solely to heterosexual married {couples} with fertility points.

In June 2023, she unveiled her being pregnant to the media and gave beginning to her daughter two months later at a hospital in Seoul the place her companion works as an anesthesiologist.

Their daughter Lani gave them an opportunity to fix household bonds between the couple and Kyu-jin’s dad and mom, with whom they have been “not precisely on good phrases” after the marriage. So it got here as a shock that in August this 12 months, Kyu-jin’s mom organized an enormous household gathering to have a good time Lani’s first birthday with dozens of family members.

“Neither my spouse Sae-yeon nor I might have ever imagined that we might have our youngster’s celebration with all of our households like this,” Kyu-jin recalled.

“I additionally thought that the world would change as a result of my uncles, with whom I hardly ever had exchanges, got here and congratulated me a lot with out saying something (about my same-sex marriage). In addition they requested my spouse to take excellent care of me,” she stated.

Making the world a greater place for Lani

Based on Kyu-jin, societal perceptions of same-sex {couples} have grow to be optimistic however legal guidelines and techniques are lagging behind.

“The neighbors round us are actually form and Lani is rising up with a variety of love. In distinction, I really feel that the system is simply too chilly and has many partitions,” Kyu-jin stated.

“It is all the time about ‘social consensus,’ politicians say, however truly, folks have grow to be very open to range in comparison with 10 years in the past. Now, it is solely politicians who refuse to alter,” she stated.

They stated they imagine that the legalization of same-sex marriage is just not solely a matter of survival for LGBTQ+ folks but in addition an efficient solution to reverse the nation’s plummeting birthrate.

“If you wish to elevate the birthrate, we should always actually critically contemplate legalizing same-sex marriage,” Kyu-jin stated.

Saying the federal government would do something if it might elevate the birthrate by 5 proportion factors, she stated, “Research present that about 5 p.c of a rustic’s inhabitants is queer … it, (on this case, permitting homosexual folks to get married and have infants) can be the least pricey possibility that the federal government can take with the intention to make that 5 proportion level influence.”

In Might final 12 months, a cross-party group of minor opposition lawmakers proposed a wedding equality invoice. The invoice didn’t go on the twenty first Nationwide Meeting and a lot of the politicians that led the motion didn’t safe seats within the twenty second Meeting.

So the 2 determined to make a considerable change in Korean society earlier than Lani begins elementary faculty and begins her social journey. Collaborating within the marriage equality lawsuit was a part of that effort.

On Oct. 10, the 2 and 10 different same-sex {couples} introduced their intention to file a lawsuit towards district workplaces’ rejection of their marriage registrations, difficult the constitutionality of the present Civil Code, which excludes same-sex {couples} from marriage.

“I fear that, in an emergency, I might not be acknowledged as my daughter’s authorized guardian. Most of all, I worry that if one thing occurs to my spouse, I’d lose my daughter, too,” Sae-yeon stated throughout a press convention for the lawsuit.

“When my youngster grows up a little bit bit extra in a couple of years and begins to know the world, I simply need her to have the ability to run round like every other youngsters of her age with out such fear and worry.”

As Sae-yeon stated, marriage equality is just not solely a basic concern of dignity but in addition an “pressing matter of livelihood,” based on Yi Ho-rim, an activist on the native civic group Marriage for All.

“Identical-sex {couples} need to marry for comparable causes as everybody else: as a result of they love one another and need to construct a shared life collectively. Nonetheless, in Korean society, they’re denied the protections, dignity and respect that marriage ensures,” Yi stated.

Kyu-jin and Sae-yeon want that at some point, hopefully within the close to future, all these struggles grow to be a factor of the previous. And so they imagine that will come true as a result of Korea is a fast-changing, dynamic society that has gone by a number of huge adjustments in latest many years.

“Once we first met my dad earlier than getting married … he abruptly informed me that my mother and he shared a surname of the identical household origin,” Kyu-jin stated, referring to the outdated Korean custom of banning marriage between a lady and a person with surnames of the identical origin.

“So apparently, my maternal grandfather was very against their marriage. However my father stated, ‘Who’s speaking about the identical household origin now? Identical to that, regardless that same-sex marriage might be a problem in society now, nobody will discuss it after 10 years.’ And I feel that is actually proper,” she stated.

The top of the authorized group representing the 11 {couples} shares the identical perception.

“There have been those that stated that the abolition of the ‘hoju’ system would result in the collapse of household buildings, however 20 years later, nothing has occurred; in actual fact, equality inside households has been realized. On this regard, the popularity of same-sex marriage feels lengthy overdue,” stated Cho Sook-hyun, head of the authorized group.

Cho additionally participated within the 2001 lawsuit for the abolition of the “hoju” system, a patriarchal household system that by legislation permitted unique rights to husbands and sons.

“This lawsuit goals to ensure the wedding rights of LGBTQ+ folks, but it surely additionally seeks to appreciate equality towards the backdrop of the discriminatory techniques that stay in our household legislation,” the lawyer stated.

Kyu-jin plans to maintain preventing for change together with her companion as a result of all through her life, she has skilled huge worldwide change following her efforts.

“Not solely do I lack the persistence to attend for another person to make that substantial change for me … I’ve additionally witnessed precise adjustments being made each time I do one thing. A few of my homosexual mates inform me they mustered the braveness to carry a marriage, whereas my heterosexual mates say they opened up their eyes on human rights,” she stated.

“Ten years in the past, it was just one single homosexual celeb couple — Kim Jho Gwang-soo and Dave Kim — who appealed towards the district workplace’s rejection of their marriage, however now there are 11 {couples} from all walks of life who joined the motion,” Kyu-jin stated. “After seeing such adjustments, you possibly can’t simply sit there and wait.”

Korea could also be simply “an inch away” from making that change come true, she stated, noting that neighboring Thailand signed its marriage equality invoice into legislation in September, with round 40 p.c of its inhabitants’s assist.

Equally, 40 p.c of Koreans assist the popularity of same-sex marriage based on a 2023 Gallup Korea survey, which is a 15 proportion level improve from 10 years in the past.

Like a number of Korean lesbian {couples}, Kyu-jin and Sae-yeon have framed their district workplace’s written discover rejecting their marriage.

“Some lesbian {couples} who’ve tried to register their marriage have framed the discover of rejection, as a result of it’s a testomony to the braveness of the 2, even when it did not work out. I actually need to take this out and exchange it with a discover of approval,” she stated.