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DEAR ABBY: I’m a homosexual man who’s greatest buddies with “Carl,” a person who’s straight. We’re all the things you’d anticipate of a traditional friendship. On a floor degree, there isn’t a distinction. He goes effectively out of his approach to make me really feel welcomed and accepted, and I admire it.
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Not too long ago, Carl discovered a big different. I’m completely satisfied for him, as a result of he actually does deserve it. The issue is, I’m jealous. I do know with out a shadow of a doubt that my relationship with Carl won’t ever be something greater than platonic. I believe I do know why this bothers me a lot — Carl is good, good and engaging, and we get alongside amazingly — but somebody apart from me is with him.
Abby, the factor is, I by no means wished to be with him earlier than. (My darkest secret: I not too long ago stole one in every of his shirts as a result of I wished a part of him with me.) Now I really feel like I betrayed our friendship, and I’m a thief. I’ve so many blended feelings. How ought to I deal with our friendship going ahead? — LOST IN ARKANSAS
DEAR LOST: Your emotions underneath these circumstances should not uncommon. You might be afraid that as a result of a 3rd particular person has been put within the combine, your particular relationship with Carl will likely be misplaced or diminished. It doesn’t need to be that approach. You have been all the time buddies, and you’ll proceed to be.
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Nevertheless, you could have to department out and construct new relationships, which won’t solely fill any empty time, however might also result in you discovering a particular somebody of your individual. If you don’t really feel higher after branching out, and there’s an LGBTQ centre close to you, please think about speaking to a counsellor there that will help you via this. If there isn’t one, search on-line for emotional help.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband not too long ago misplaced a considerable quantity of weight. He’s 30 kilos lighter and has been sustaining it with as much as a 10-pound fluctuation. Earlier than he misplaced the burden, his household always commented on his weight and would ridicule him. They’d poke his abdomen and say, “What’s this?” in a not good approach. After he misplaced the burden, they continued with feedback like, “The place’d your abdomen go?” They by no means appear to stop. If he’s on the heavier facet, they remark about him gaining the burden again (it isn’t true; the dimensions doesn’t lie).
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My husband is uninterested in being picked on and overwhelmed down. He’s at a wholesome weight and completely satisfied along with his physique when he isn’t being degraded. How ought to we let his household know we don’t admire these feedback? To make clear, this contains not solely his speedy household but in addition his prolonged relations. What can be a great way to tactfully say — within the second — that we don’t admire their commentary? — PICKED ON IN OREGON
DEAR PICKED ON: I’m unsure you must deal with these relations with child gloves. It might need extra impression in case your husband tells them, CALMLY, that he has tolerated their feedback about his weight, however he lastly has a deal with on it and doesn’t want their fixed “weigh-ins.” They’re neither useful nor humorous, and they need to cease. If not, they’ll be seeing much less of the 2 of you.
— Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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