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DEAR ABBY: Many months in the past, a member of the family’s husband was charged with possession of and distributing greater than 10,000 objects of kid pornography. The police and Division of Homeland Safety raided their residence and seized computer systems, cellphones and different units. He was arrested and spent a couple of week in jail. He employed an excellent lawyer, and all the fees have been dismissed.
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His spouse, our blood relative, stayed by his facet. She stays married to him and doesn’t plan to depart him. She has been protecting us updated on the authorized developments and says his attorneys consider he gained’t serve any jail time as a result of “he’s in his mid-70s and has no prior convictions of any crimes.”
Though the fees have been dismissed, we aren’t comfy having him in our houses as a result of there are babies at our gatherings. It’s essential to notice that his spouse by no means denied that he was viewing and distributing these supplies. She solely mentioned, “They’re making him out to be a monster.” How can we stay supportive of her whereas on the similar time let her know when the time comes, that he’s NOT welcome? This chain of occasions has been devastating to our complete household. — DEVASTATED IN THE EAST
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DEAR DEVASTATED: Your concern is comprehensible, however I’ve to query whether or not you’ve your entire details straight. On the one hand, you state that each one the fees in opposition to this man have been dismissed. Alternatively, you say his lawyer thinks he gained’t serve time due to his age, which makes me surprise if some type of plea deal occurred, and he can be required solely to carry out neighborhood service.
Chances are you’ll need to be emotionally supportive of this member of the family, but when the dad and mom of minor kids really feel her husband may current a hazard to them, these kids should be protected. And, if which means not exposing them to the couple, then so be it.
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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for 16 years. He has two kids, ages 17 and 19. Yearly, he spends the key holidays along with his ex and his children. I can’t go along with him as a result of his ex has ruined any likelihood of my having a relationship along with his kids. Frankly, they hate me and blame me for his or her dad and mom’ divorce.
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I’ve 5 kids. I find time for them at holidays, however I prioritize my husband. I don’t assume he must be doing this. Am I flawed? He’s completed it for 16 years. I point out it yearly, and he at all times says subsequent yr can be totally different. Please inform me your ideas. — MISSING HIM THEN IN WASHINGTON
DEAR MISSING: This yr gained’t be totally different, and neither will those after. My query to you is, WERE you chargeable for breaking apart his marriage? Based on the mail I’ve obtained through the years, many marriages have been over lengthy earlier than both partner filed for divorce. If the “children” are proper, they aren’t going to vary their angle at this late date. If, nevertheless, you have been innocent, their father ought to have straightened them out after they have been sufficiently old to know.
— Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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