DEAR ABBY: Stepdaughter’s spoiled behaviour has worn skinny

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DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s; my husband is 46. We’ve got been married three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki.” Kiki has at all times been spoiled and catered to; she realized find out how to lie and manipulate throughout her childhood.

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I’ve tried to assist her as a result of I believed his household once they stated she’s attempting to get it collectively. Kiki has a DUI, and he or she acquired evicted when her mother and father requested her to pay her personal lease, slightly than having them pay. They provide her automobiles, however she wrecks them after which leaves them on the facet of the street.

We’ve got a 3-week-old child and a mortgage. I don’t assume his daughter ought to nonetheless be in our finances, however my husband can’t say no to giving her cash. Kiki is a routine liar and consumer. She will be able to’t pay for fuel as a result of she buys weed and alcohol as a substitute, assured that everybody else can pay when her utilities get shut off.

I don’t assume it’s truthful for us to pay her method. Is 24 younger sufficient to nonetheless want this a lot assist? My husband could be very defensive about it. — USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

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DEAR USED: Contemplating this troubled younger lady’s historical past, your husband has made an enormous mistake by fostering her dependence on him. Independence is one thing she might must be taught in increments. Your husband ought to sit down with Kiki and clarify that he loves her, however she should now discover work to assist herself, and that he’ll assist — for a set time frame — as she adjusts to shouldering accountability for herself.

If he’s nonetheless paying her lease, there ought to be a agency cutoff level. No extra automobiles, as a result of she’s a hazard on the street. She will be able to use public transportation. And if there are any extra issues due to her substance abuse, all bets might be off. The time to attract the road is now.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m in an internet group with neighbours, however I’ve not been capable of get out and meet some newer members in particular person. One particular person indicators their posts in a language I don’t acknowledge, and I used to be questioning if there’s a well mannered method to ask them find out how to pronounce their title and what language it’s. There doesn’t appear to be a method to broach the topic with out seeming damaging.

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Additionally, after I hear individuals in my native retailer communicate one other language, I’m curious as a result of I’m semi-fluent in three languages and considering studying extra, however once more, what’s a well mannered method to ask? — WONDERING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WONDERING: When you have the slightest concern about asking your neighbours find out how to pronounce their title and what language it’s, then don’t do it on-line. Ask one other neighbour or wait till you possibly can meet the particular person face-to-face.

If you end up out and about and listen to a language you don’t acknowledge, smile on the individuals, say that you simply communicate three languages, like the best way theirs sounds and ask what it’s since you would possibly wish to be taught it. If the query is requested in a pleasant method, most individuals will reply in the identical vein. (I did this at a grocery store not too long ago. The reply was they got here from Indonesia and have been talking Malay.)

— Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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