DEAR ABBY: Many months in the past, a member of the family’s husband was charged with possession of and distributing greater than 10,000 objects of kid pornography. The police and Division of Homeland Safety raided their dwelling and seized computer systems, cellphones and different gadgets. He was arrested and spent a couple of week in jail. He employed an excellent legal professional, and all the costs have been dismissed.
His spouse, our blood relative, stayed by his aspect. She stays married to him and doesn’t plan to go away him. She has been preserving us updated on the authorized developments and says his attorneys consider he gained’t serve any jail time as a result of “he’s in his mid-70s and has no prior convictions of any crimes.”
Though the costs have been dismissed, we aren’t comfy having him in our houses as a result of there are young children at our gatherings. It’s vital to notice that his spouse by no means denied that he was viewing and distributing these supplies. She solely mentioned, “They’re making him out to be a monster.” How can we stay supportive of her whereas on the similar time let her know when the time comes, that he’s NOT welcome? This chain of occasions has been devastating to our complete household. — DEVASTATED IN THE EAST
DEAR DEVASTATED: Your concern is comprehensible, however I’ve to query whether or not you’ve all your info straight. On the one hand, you state that each one the costs in opposition to this man have been dismissed. Then again, you say his legal professional thinks he gained’t serve time due to his age, which makes me surprise if some kind of plea deal occurred, and he will probably be required solely to carry out group service.
Chances are you’ll wish to be emotionally supportive of this member of the family, but when the mother and father of minor youngsters really feel her husband may current a hazard to them, these youngsters have to be protected. And, if which means not exposing them to the couple, then so be it.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my husband for 16 years. He has two youngsters, ages 17 and 19. Yearly, he spends the foremost holidays together with his ex and his youngsters. I can’t go along with him as a result of his ex has ruined any likelihood of my having a relationship together with his youngsters. Frankly, they hate me and blame me for his or her mother and father’ divorce.
I’ve 5 youngsters. I find time for them at holidays, however I prioritize my husband. I don’t assume he ought to be doing this. Am I flawed? He’s performed it for 16 years. I point out it yearly, and he at all times says subsequent yr will probably be totally different. Please inform me your ideas. — MISSING HIM THEN IN WASHINGTON
DEAR MISSING: This yr gained’t be totally different, and neither will those after. My query to you is, have been you chargeable for breaking apart his marriage? In response to the mail I’ve obtained over time, many marriages have been over lengthy earlier than both partner filed for divorce. If the “youngsters” are proper, they aren’t going to vary their angle at this late date. If, nevertheless, you have been innocent, their father ought to have straightened them out once they have been sufficiently old to know.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
