My seashore romances have been disasters.
On the Silver Strand in Coronado, a date tried to show me to surf. I almost drowned. I referred to as it quits after a tough face-plant off the surfboard and into the moist sand. A date as soon as left me stranded on McAbee Seaside in Monterey once I refused to sing a Kenny Rogers music with him throughout karaoke. I sat at the hours of darkness on the chilly sand for an hour, ready for a trip house. On East Seaside in Santa Barbara, I attempted to impress a date with a from-scratch picnic, however sand obtained into all the things. (Professional tip: Sand at all times will get into all the things.) He teased me concerning the inedible, sand-crusted “crunchy rooster.”
However I believed my luck had modified once I met a good-looking musician in Pismo Seaside.
He was enjoying guitar and singing at Harry’s Evening Membership & Seaside Bar, a block from the pier. He was tall, handsome and humorous. I used to be there with pals for a marriage after-party. He flirted with me from the stage and made me chortle. After his set, he invited me to go for a stroll. Daylight on the seashore is sweet, what with the sunshine and all, however moonlight on the seashore is unbelievable. He leaned in and kissed me, and I let him. I blame moon magic and too many Coronas with lime.
A month later, a good friend took me to Pismo Seaside for my birthday. We drove south in my Ford Mustang convertible with the highest down and parked within the seashore car parking zone. Throughout the road from Harry’s. The place the recent musician was enjoying. Once more. We spent the afternoon there. He requested us to remain when his band loaded in for the nighttime set, and we did.
After which … properly, it was my birthday. I connected with the recent musician.
I didn’t see it as something greater than a starry-eyed fling that started on a heat summer season night time in a cool little seashore city. Seems, flirting was his factor. He flirted with girls in each city with a seashore in San Luis Obispo County: Avila Seaside, Moonstone Seaside, Spooner’s Cove, Cayucos State Seaside, Morro Strand State Seaside. It was a part of the act, he mentioned, and apart from, we weren’t critical.
After we had been alone, he was charming and attentive. He drove to the North County to be with me each night time, even after late-night gigs that had been typically an hour or extra away. Over time, I let myself fall arduous. The one drawback was that I used to be searching for long-term love, and he wasn’t.
He broke my coronary heart repeatedly. And I beat my head towards the wall making an attempt to show him into somebody he was by no means going to be.
Then sooner or later, he mentioned probably the most sincere phrases I’ve ever heard anybody say: “I do know I will be self-centered, and I do know that doesn’t be just right for you. Nevertheless it’s labored for me all my life, so I don’t see that altering.”
I do know he meant it when he instructed me that he beloved me. He waited nearly a 12 months to say these phrases for the primary time. However I spotted then that being in love meant one thing completely different to him from what it meant to me. Our mistake wasn’t falling in love. It was making an attempt to drive a love that didn’t swimsuit both of us.
Maya Angelou as soon as mentioned, “When somebody reveals you who they’re, imagine them the primary time.” I didn’t imagine him the handfuls of occasions he confirmed me that he wasn’t going to cool down, however I believed him when he instructed me flat out. And I knew I deserved one thing extra.
I’ve by no means had a knack for holding a boyfriend. However I do have a knack for staying pals with ex-boyfriends, and the recent musician was no exception. We went to the flicks typically and we stayed in contact, even after he moved a thousand miles away almost 10 years in the past to take care of his aged mom.
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I moved south from downtown San Luis Obispo to Pismo Seaside to be nearer to the water. I’m a author and an introvert who form of loved having an excuse to remain house on a regular basis. However the isolation was an excessive amount of even for me. So I moved right into a 100-year-old seashore bungalow a half-block from the ocean. After being confined to my home for months alone, I felt such freedom strolling on the seashore daily with out a masks. There have been at all times different human beings on the seashore with me, and though we had been bodily distant from each other, I felt a connection to them. I breathed within the chilly, crisp air so deeply my lungs damage.
Then the recent musician reached out to me after his mom died. He was unhappy and alone too. I invited him to come back again house, again to Pismo Seaside, to lease the spare bed room in my bungalow, two blocks from the seashore bar the place our failed romance started. He moved in, and we took walks collectively out to the tip of the pier, on the identical seashore the place we’d as soon as shared a kiss.
First, we fell in love. Then we had been pals. We had been pals for a very long time. After which 20 years after we first met, we turned roommates. He’s within the different room as I write this, most likely watching basketball. Perhaps “Household Man.” He takes the trash out every now and then. He brings me tortilla chips, so I get sufficient salt. Typically cheesecake — final night time, my favourite Meyer lemon. He nonetheless makes me chortle. However we’re each completely different folks now, and he now not breaks my coronary heart.
I by no means discovered lasting love on the seashore. However I did discover a lasting friendship. And it took me means too lengthy, however I discovered a dedication to be true to myself. For now, these issues are greater than sufficient.
The writer, a lifelong Californian who earned an MFA from UC Riverside Palm Desert, is the fiction editor for Kelp Journal. You’ll be able to learn her work at leannephillips.com. She’s on Instagram: @leannebythesea
L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its wonderful expressions within the L.A. space, and we need to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a broadcast essay. E mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. Yow will discover submission pointers right here. Yow will discover previous columns right here.
