Miss Manners: I used to be dismayed by the co-workers’ calls to my lifeless brother’s telephone

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother died of a sudden coronary heart assault whereas having dinner with pals.

Considered one of his pals known as me and I headed straight to the hospital, nevertheless it was too late.

Somebody on the hospital gave me a bag of my brother’s belongings, which I took residence and caught in a closet whereas I handled calling household and pals, consoling my mother and father, making funeral preparations, grieving, and many others. (My brother was not married, and didn’t have a critical girlfriend on the time.)

After a number of days, I made a decision to deal with the bag of private belongings, the place I got here throughout my brother’s cellphone. It had run out of energy and wanted charging, so I plugged it in.

Virtually immediately, it began pinging with messages — the overwhelming majority of which have been condolences from my brother’s colleagues. Most of them signed their names as “John Doe, Place at Firm.”

Is it acceptable to ship condolences to a deceased individual’s phone within the hopes {that a} member of the family will learn them?

I proceeded to ship a short thank-you to every one, signing it “from the household.” Was this a suitable strategy to deal with it?

Among the individuals who had despatched messages then began calling my brother’s telephone. Once I answered, some have been well mannered and civil, desirous to re-express their condolences. However others have been inquisitive and prying (“How did he die? How lengthy did it take the ambulance to reach? Who was with him?” and many others.), which made me remorse answering in any respect.

I contemplated calling my brother’s boss simply to ask her to inform everybody to cease calling.

What’s the correct process in a state of affairs like this?

GENTLE READER: Knowingly calling a deceased individual’s telephone is morbid, and fairly frankly, lazy. Not solely does it not change a correct condolence letter, nevertheless it annoys and disorients a grieving household.

The plain answer is to disconnect the phone line. However in case you can’t resist calling your brother’s boss, Miss Manners suggests that you simply not less than accomplish that with an excuse: Inform her the place and when the service is — or not less than the place his colleagues could ship correct written condolences, if they need.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a night occasion, I used to be launched to a really high-profile particular person.

Whereas I used to be blissful to fulfill him, it was unattainable to not discover when he smiled or talked that he had one thing caught between his two entrance enamel.

Had he been an previous good friend, I might have instantly and discreetly advised him about it. Since this was our first assembly, although, I felt that doing so could be inappropriate, so I mentioned nothing.