DEAR ABBY: How do I inform my pal “Lila” that I feel she’d be happier if she obtained divorced? To be clear, I don’t suppose her relationship is unsafe — it’s simply sad. Issues have been rocky along with her spouse for some time now. They preserve making an attempt to work issues out, however each few months, one thing new comes up or turns into an issue once more.
Lila cares deeply about her spouse. She actually needs to make issues work, however I consistently hear she feels uncared for and unattractive due to how her spouse treats her. I’m clearly solely listening to half the story, but it surely looks as if Lila is placing in all the hassle to make the connection work, and her spouse isn’t responding in form.
A part of the issue could also be that Lila is introverted and doesn’t have many associates moreover her spouse and me, which can be why she clings so onerous to that relationship. I feel each of them could be happier in the event that they stopped making an attempt to make the wedding work and went again to being associates, however I don’t know inform Lila that, or even when I ought to. Please assist. — LISTENING IN MARYLAND
DEAR LISTENING: Keep out of it. Lila wants a pal and a sounding board at this level, not a life coach. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you’ve described, she’s going to determine ultimately whether or not it’s time to “dial it again” or to finish it. Perceive that when divorces occur, most {couples} don’t “return to being associates” until there are kids concerned.
DEAR ABBY: I chaired an occasion with an area service group. Many hours have been exhausted with planning and adorning. Throughout this system, a number of members playfully began throwing some gadgets from the centerpieces on the visitor audio system. By the top of this system, a lot of the room’s centerpieces have been dismantled and on the ground.
My committee had the job of cleanup, which was tough and tedious. We felt the numerous hours we spent planning and doing onerous work have been disrespected due to these juvenile antics. This was an end-of-year program, ringing in new officers and celebrating a beautiful earlier yr, and there are at all times some lighthearted shenanigans. However I’ve by no means skilled whole chaos earlier than. Ought to I say one thing or chalk it as much as celebrating a profitable yr’s finish? — FLABBERGASTED IN TEXAS
DEAR FLABBERGASTED: Have been these lighthearted members drunk or simply disorderly? “Lightheartedly” destroying the centerpieces and throwing components of them on the audio system? How disrespectful to everybody concerned, to not point out doubtlessly harmful!
I don’t suppose what occurred needs to be ignored. By all means, converse up. You and the opposite committee members are definitely entitled to let the perpetrators know the way it made you’re feeling. You’re not the one one who is flabbergasted. So am I.
DEAR ABBY: What can I purchase for Christmas for my brother who’s terminally ailing with most cancers? Nothing appears proper — not music, books or any of the issues he has at all times loved. I’m at a loss. Any ideas? — SADDENED IN OREGON
DEAR SADDENED: I’m so sorry about your brother’s analysis. The surest method to give him one thing he’ll get pleasure from could be to ask him what he would really like. His actions could also be diminished, however he can level you in the appropriate course.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
